Estie and Mindy's speech at Dodi's Aufruf

December 13, 2009
Second day of Chanukah – 27th kislev, 5770
D’s aufruf – Estie and Mindy’s speech

Chag urim sameach. We’re here today on the second day of Chanukah to celebrate the upcoming marriage of our dear brother, D, to his bechirat libo, Ilana. This time of year is quite apropos for a wedding, and we would like to connect many of the central ideas of Chanukah to some of the fundamental themes of marriage.

Celebrating Chanukah is a dual-natured mitzvah. On the one hand, it is a mitzvah that must be fulfilled by every family in their own home, as the gemara in Mesechet Shabbat states: Tanu rabanan: mitzvat Chanukah neir ish u’beito.

The rabbis dispute the meaning of “neir ish u’beito:” is this a mitzvah incumbent on every individual, or a mitzvah for each household? The mifarshim establish that individual members of a household should light their own chanukiyot, but a husband and wife should share one chanukiya because they are considered one being. When a household comes together to light candles for Chanukah, they thereby bring the presence of God into their home, recreating the mikdash. Every year during Chanukah, we reaffirm the holiness of each individual home, and for eight days each home becomes a “mikdash me’at,” a small temple. According to the Ramban, lighting Chanukah candles in our homes is a continuation of the mitzvah to light the menorah in the beit hamikdash. Just as the candles of the menorah in the mikdash could not be used for other purposes, so too the candles of our chanukikyot cannot be used “elah lirot’am bilvad,” except to look at them.

However, Chanukah is not just celebrated by individual families. There is another aspect of Chanukah that is fundamental to the holiday, namely the mitzvah of “pirsumei nisa,” publicizing the miracle. The second bracha that we say when we light the candles, “she’asa nisim,” reflects this added dimension to the mitzvah. This requirement seems to contradict the idea of Chanukah being a private, family-central chag. We are commanded to place our chanukiyot in the front window of our homes, so that the light will shine outside. We must share the miracle of Chanukah with the entire world.

Perhaps this is what a true beit yisrael is: the core is built upon a strong inner family, but the values developed in that home must then be shared with the world at large. The candles that we light can be understood as our way of impacting the world. Do we choose to contain our impact within our private home, or do we strive to use our strengths and talents to influence and improve the broader world? Chanukah teaches us that each aspect is integrally connected to the other; we must develop a strong family structure so that we can influence and change the world for the better.

This idea of intimacy and sharing relates directly to a wedding, which takes the most intensely private moment of a person’s life and turns it into a public display. At first, this seems like a strange concept, but keeping a wedding private would prevent others from witnessing the beauty of the love between the couple. The couple’s love is shared with the world for a few hours, and then they are ushered into their home where they will build a meaningful life together.

Daniel and Ilana, as you join together in marriage next week, we would also like to bring to mind a well-known Midrash about Moshe that appears in Midrash Rabbah for parshat beha’alotcha. Hashem tells Moshe that He will ease Moshe’s burden by transferring Moshe’s ruach to the 70 elders. The midrash asks, Did this sharing of spirit affect Moshe’s elevated degree of prophecy? The Midrash answers: “V’hakol madlikin hey-menu v’ayn oro chaseir klum.” Moshe was like a flame from which many other candles were lit: while he provided light to others, his own light was not diminished in the act of sharing. This Midrash speaks perfectly to your relationship with one another. As you have shared of yourselves, your original distinct selves have not diminished. Rather, you have each grown stronger and now shine even brighter together.

Finally, we’d like to close with a story from a Gemara in avoda zara. The gemara tells the story of the beginning of Adam HaRishon’s life. As the weeks progressed, the days kept getting shorter and the nights became increasingly longer. Adam feared that his death was fast approaching and would coincide with a return to the primordial state of “Tohu VaVohu.” On the 17th of Kislev, one of the shortest days of the year, Adam decided to fast and pray for eight days to counteract his fear. On the eighth day of fasting, the 25th of Kislev and the winter equinox, Adam HaRishon realized that the days began to lengthen and the nights to shorten. The next year, Adam decided to make these darkest days of the year into a holiday. Thus, Chanukah became a “chag urim,” a “festival of lights” even before it was rabbinically instituted.

Adam’s fear and eventual relief highlight the importance of light. Light is symbolic of all that is good in our lives. At this moment of physical darkness in the world as well as personal family challenges and darkness, we take the time to celebrate this wonderful simcha and remember the light and goodness in life.

Our bracha to you, Daniel and Ilana is that you always seek to find the positive in life, even in times of darkness. As you embark on this exciting journey to build your own home, may you always seek to sanctify your home. We know that you both hold Torah and learning close to your hearts: may intellectual pursuit and Talmud Torah always constitute a core in your bayit. You have both chosen individually, and now as a couple, to build your home in Jerusalem, a makom kadosh filled with spiritual striving and intellectual pursuit. We know from your exemplary commitment to family that together you will build a home with deeply held values, and we also know that you will share the incredible life that you will build together with many others. We love you both dearly, and want to wish you a huge mazal tov on this momentous occasion.