Joe's Toast for Ilana & Daniel's Wedding

Everyone knows Daniel and Ilana as stoic scholars. They met while learning together, and we’ve watched them quiz each other on literature and puns. But these past few months we’ve also seen another side emerge. Last week, at Daniel’s Aufruf there was a moment when D shed some tears. In this past week’s Torah Portion, a man’s tears play a central role as well.

In Miketz we saw raw emotion on a scale seldom seen in the Bible. When Joseph first meets his brothers he greets them with anger, and then struggles with his tears; fighting them back in a private back room. At this point in the narrative, Joseph is a public figure, leading Egypt through an intense famine. He considered it inappropriate to display his feeling openly and publicly. At the climax of next week’s portion, however, he reveals himself to his brothers and “his sobs were so loud that the Egyptians could hear…He kissed his brothers and wept upon them.” As Ilana’s aunt Shuly Rubin Schwartz explains, (and as posted on brother-in-laws website myjewishlearning) by acknowledging his pain Joseph could imagine a future that could include both his public role and his private relationship with his family. She compares it to the affect of feminism in the 60’s, when it finally became acceptable for men to understand and come to terms with their personal and professional lives.

Over the past few months we have enjoyed watching you, Daniel and Ilana, grow together and complement each other as a couple. Ilana has finally brought the appropriate female touch to our Dodi. Ilana, you have taught Dodi how to reconcile his professional scholarship with the possibility of being a romantic poet. We have never seen D so relaxed, and so happy. As Robert Frost has said (since apparently we all have to quote poems this week), “It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.”

It’s not often that a younger sibling can give marriage advice to an older brother. D, we’ve been waiting a long time for this day. You have been the pillar of our family. The middle sibling, always available to help with speeches and essays, and have always been around when Mom & Dad needed extra support. Now it is your turn to build your own family. Just some advice: If you ask Ilana what’s wrong and she says “nothing”, she actually means “something” and you should be very worried. When she says “Go ahead” she actually means “you can do it, but it’s going to cost you later.” And the word “fine” is the word wives use to end any argument when they feel that they are right and you need to shut up. And when in doubt, just fall back on “Yes, Dear. You’re right.”

Our bracha to you is that you continue to use Joseph’s tears as a foundation and harbinger of better days to come. This day is fully sweet, and we look forward to celebrating with you two and the entire family in public and private ad meah veesrim.

Mazal Tov